I’ve gone both ways. And I can’t figure out what gives me peace and what gives me pain. The hard days, the days that gut you to your core are always a part of your heart, your soul, and your essence. Usually I remember the painful days. I tend develop anxiety leading up to the anniversaries. I dread the day, remembering, and thinking back. But sometimes I block them from my mind. It is a defense mechanism I know. I push the pain, sadness, and hurt aside. I “forget” the day. I ignore it and pretend the day is just like any other.
But it’s not.
And it never can be.
The truth catches up to you. It slaps you hard, like an angry ex-lover. All the sad you tried to escape, brings tears to your eyes and sorrow to your soul. You can’t forget love. You can’t forget those people and creatures that you gave your heart to, and whose hearts you hold dearly,
July 16th. It came and went unceremoniously. Another Monday. Another day filled with obligations and commitments. But it was anything but. July 16 marked six years since my beloved cat, Alex, crossed and went to the rainbow bridge. In the six years that passed, so much changed, but so much remained the same. My love for him never weakened. I think of him always, and miss him all the time.
But I’ve had rough few years. I’ve changed a lot. My life had changed to. I haven’t had time for a lot of what I love, especially this blog. But that is no excuse. For the first few years, oddly, July 16 brought many special events. The first anniversary we went to a James Taylor concert, Alex’s favorite singer, Year two, we found ourselves at a private Sheryl Crowe concert for Crohn’s disease. But this year – the sixth anniversary, something horrible happened. Alex’s wife, the love of his life, Gracie, passed and too went to the bridge.
I’ve been crying for a while now. And I’m pretty numb at the moment. I can’t decide if I feel like this is the perfect end to their love story, or a cruel twist of fate. All I do know is I wish Gracie was still here with us, now. I wish Alex were too. And for myself, I pray I can stay in the moment long enough to always realize what truly is important. Not our work, our obligations, our accomplishments. But those we love the most.
Run free Alex – 7/16/12
Run Free Gracie – 7/16/18
Forever you are both in my heart, my soul, and my core